Netflix’s Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
Chapter Twenty-Six: “All of Them Witches”
Directed by Michael Goi
Written by Joshua Conkel

* For a recap & review of Chapter Twenty-Five: “The Devil Within” – click here
* For a recap & review of Chapter Twenty-Seven: “The Judas Kiss” – click here
At the Academy, Gryla, Sycorax, Pesta, and other witches have dropped by, and they’re ready to kill. Zelda attempts to explain what’s happening with the pagans. None of them are eager to listen, but they soon agree to sit and talk. Zelda sends her niece off to get Nicholas— not at all awkward— and Prudence, as well as Hilda. Her sister is with Dr. C watching TV and he catches a glimpse of her spidery form in the reflection of the screen, scary the wits out of him momentarily.
Gryla and the rest aren’t happy they’ve consistently been turned away from the coven, so she doesn’t know why they ought to make friends now just because the Church of Night are in trouble. This is why Zelda offers them shelter, to make the Academy their home, so long as they’ll help rid Greendale of the pagans.

Remember the fetish doll Mary got from Adam?
Well, Lilith still has memories of her time in Ms. Wardwell’s skin. She came to enjoy him, until the Dark Lord killed him. The doll’s returned: a message that Lucifer is trying to find her. This will put Madame Satan on the run. She gets no love from Zelda when she turns up looking for shelter at the Academy.
Prudence susses out that Sabrina and Nick are different, discovering their break/breakup. She offers a “cord cutting spell” to help her get over the heartbreak. She puts seeds of doubt into Sabrina over whether they belonged together. She asks if Nick ever thanked her for saving his life or helping him detox, which he didn’t, and though Sabrina acts like it doesn’t bother her it SO BOTHERS HER. Meanwhile, Ambrose is doing clerical work with the new witches amongst them, figuring out all their various powers to aid in their defence against the carny pagans.

Later, Sabrina goes to see Harvey, Theo, and Robin, the latter of whom admits he travels with the pagans. He won’t be involved in the slaughter the carnies have planned, he wants to put down roots, or try to, at least. He tells them they came to Greendale to “resurrect the pagan gods,” such as the Green Man. He mentions they need a “virgin sacrifice,” which is DEFINITELY why they were so interested in Ms. Wardwell’s virginity, also why Harvey and Theo were targeted.
One big help? Caliban feels guilty after Sabrina chastised him back in Golgotha. He’s come to offer a “Pygmalion spell” to help Roz out of her statue form. He and Sabrina first have to find it. He tells her about the mythology of Pygmalion while they search. Any romance going on here? Possible, maybe. Then Caliban suggests they could both win the Throne of Hell together, aligning to rule as a married couple. A bit fast. He’s trying to hold the spell ransom, albeit only briefly. And they do try to start negotiating an alliance.

Cute to see Dr. Cee and Hilda practice for their Sweeney Todd audition together.
Not as cute once her real spidery self emerges fully. Yiiikes! He won’t let this kill her. He wants them to have a life together. She seems resigned to the worst happening, prepared to die of this spider curse. Dr. Cee goes to get her a burger and a shake at her favourite place. When a man walks into the seemingly empty shop, there’s a full-on spider creature waiting to snatch him up and eat him alive. Creepier when Dr. Cee returns and spider Hilda wants him to fertilise her eggs. (JESUS!)

Everything’s getting worse. Roz is smashed into stone pieces, yet Caliban assures they can piece her back together. This leaves Harvey and Sabrina alone arranging the pieces, talking a while. They get into talking about virginity and sex. Sabrina mentions she and Nick never had sex, surprising Harvey. She’s still feeling hurt after the breakup. Father Gore continues to hope that, someday, Harv and Sabrina will end up together.
Zelda’s angered when she finds Prudence drumming for Mambo Marie, conducting a dance of protection. The two of them head off alone and argue over what’s best for the coven. Prudence makes clear they have to be willing to change to get through this ordeal with the pagans, yet Zelda’s disturbed Marie is “a Catholic” while the Church of Night is Satanic. A paradoxical juxtaposition of beliefs. Regardless of doubt, Marie’s willing to work with a stubborn witch, and she warns of an ancient evil coming. Zelda eventually bends and invites Marie to stay.

The Pygmalion spell’s ready to be conducted.
They have to go to where Roz and Harvey first kissed, so the gang all carry the statue pieces together. There, Caliban explains there must be an offering to Aphrodite. This means that Harvey has to forsake his love for Roz, and if they ever kiss again she’ll become stone forever. Oh, god. “Love for life,” Caliban says. No other option. Thus, Harvey gives up his love to save Roz.
Only the spell doesn’t work. Caliban says he mustn’t truly love Roz. Is it because Harvey actually loves Sabrina? He’s pissed off. However, “true desire” only is recognised by Aphrodite. Harvey won’t accept it, lashing out with violence. This is the moment Robin mentions Circe and that she may be able to help with Roz. Not so easy. They’ll need to borrow a little magic. On the way, Nick makes an ass out of himself accusing Sabrina of being with Caliban, so the Queen of Hell puts him in his place before walking out.

The uncanny strikes in Greendale when Lilith goes back to see Ms. Wardwell. She disguises herself as Adam to get through the door. Anything to get herself out of the Dark Lord’s way. The fake Adam pretends he’s on the run from baddies, asking for her help to hide out. She obviously agrees, still harbouring deep love for him. A strange thing to see, as the two Marys hug. And who turns up later? Father Brown a.k.a Lucifer in the skin of Faustus. He’s on the hunt. He tells Mary about the witches, specifically the Spellman family. Shit, is Lucifer ever spitey! He’s got Mary thinking Adam a.k.a Lilith is really the Devil, rather than the one spilling poison in her ear. This puts Lilith in the Dark Lord’s hands and he wants to do a “separation ritual.” She puts Lucifer to sleep, using this time to make a deal with Faustus to ensure their mutual survival.
While Zelda gets a horrifying call from Hilda, Sabrina convinces the other witches to start fucking with the pagans. The others cast spells from the Academy onto a voodoo doll of the queen, as she takes it to the carnies herself. Sabrina attacks with the power of the others guiding her, making her way further into the carnival. She’s got the help of Salem, who distracts Circe so Sabrina can bring her back to cure their statue friends. The coven threaten some Zero Dark Thirty-style torture unless she complies. Circie brings Dorcas and Roz back to flesh and bone. The jocks are no longer pigs, either.
Can Harvey get over his offering being rejected? He still loves Sabrina.

At Dr. Cee’s shop, Zelda comes with a gun as suggested. She finds her spider sister in a lair of webbing, along with the doc’s body wrapped up like food. Hilda wants Zelda to shoot her. And bang— is this really the end for one of the aunties? Father Gore’s not willing to believe Hilda’s dead quite yet. Because Zelda has killed her sister and buried her in the yard before, remember? The Cain Pit will resurrect her soon.

Soundtrack: The Beta Band’s “Dry the Rain” plays while the newly reunited gang hang

Sabrina is attempting to cut the cord of love from Nick. She and Salem talk about her feelings for Harvey, too. She knows they exist, deep down, but she’s scared of hurting Harvey, or Roz, after all they’ve each been through. And so she uses the cord cutting spell to relieve all those feelings, as well. Two birds with one stone.
At the door, Zelda finds Ms. Wardwell knocking. Mary pulls a gun and shoots her.
Oh, no. So many people dying!
Can Zelda survive the gunshot? Or can the Cain Pit be of use? TOO MANY EMOTIONS!

Chapter Twenty-Seven: “The Judas Kiss” is next.