FOX’s Scream Queens
Season 2, Episode 9: “Lovin the D”
Directed by Maggie Kiley
Written by Ian Brennan

* For a review of the previous episode, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel” – click here
* For a review of the next episode, “Drain the Swamp” – click here

Chanels #3 (Billie Lourd) and #5 (Abigail Breslin) are working night shift, as is #1 (Emma Roberts). They come across a doll wearing a KKT sweatshirt, full of knives. And a bed full of swampy foliage. So obviously there’s one dressed up by Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner), and the other by Wes Gardner (Oliver Hudson).
Then the Green Meanies appear. You can bet Ingrid (Kirstie Alley) is under one of those masks, too. #3 gets saved, obviously by her Green Meanie boyfriend Dr. Cascade. When the three Meanies argue over flubbing their murders, Hester (Lea Michele) arrives to call them all together. A bit of a serial killer murder orgy poised to happen.
“I don‘t wanna die in this outfit!”

But life goes on, of course. Cathy Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) tries to keep things on the level, as Dr. Arthur Annenburg (Ajay Mehta) is poking around with the recent disappearance of their man from the journal. Now the Chanels and their credentials will possibly be exposed. Or can Cathy keep it under wraps? She wants the trio to actually take the MCATs.
Meanwhile, Dr. Scarlett Lovin (Brooke Shields) – star of the show Lovin the D – is at the CURE Institute. She wants Dr. Brock Holt, along with assistance from the Chanels, to perform a live surgery on her show to remove a “sixteen–pound tumour” from a young man’s face. Yikes, that’s wild. When Brock drops the bomb that the girls aren’t even medical students, things start going sideways. Except this is the charge the Chanels need to take the MCATs. To be on Lovin the D.
Hester holds a “Green Meanie Summit” so that “no one‘s feelings get hurt” and everyone gets to kill who they want. Oh yeah, just in case you forgot, Wes is Hester’s father. The four of them sit down and claim all their murders in a game show-type segment. Hilariously written and edited. Afterwards they move on deciding who’ll kill all the Chanels. It comes down to a mutiny when Wes isn’t granted the chance to kill #1, but you can bet he’s not letting that slide. Not to mention, Cascade doesn’t want #3 to die, or will he give in?

Chanel’s got to focus and try to pass the MCAT. If she doesn’t, no Dr. Lovin, no television appearance. Pretty much left up to Brock because she’s not concerned with learning. Then, out of nowhere, he chokes her. With both hands. Seems like there isn’t only remnants of the murderous hand. Maybe something worse is going on inside Dr. Holt. And poor little Chanel, she has Green Meanies all around her and doesn’t even know it. Plus, Brock’s still trying to strangle her.
With murder on his mind Brock goes to talk with the only person he knows who can relate: Hester. “I still really wanna kill her. More than ever, to tell you the truth,” he explains. She tries encouraging him mostly. “You Dr. Brock Holt, are a killer.” Then they hook up over a dead body.
One Green Meanie kill on a newer Chanel is accomplished. Hung by the neck. #5 does her best to cover things up while Munsch keeps the visiting Dr. Annenburg busy. Wes is the one who made the kill, though he isn’t happy. He goes to Dr. Cascade and makes a case for an alliance against Hoffel, who may or may not have a plan to pin all the murders on them after it’s all said and done. Hmm.

Poor Zayday (Keke Palmer). She’s stuck down in a well-like structure, trapped by Jane (Trilby Glover). Although she starts figuring out that Dr. Cascade is the baby in the belly from 1985. Then Cassidy turns up with his ladyfriend #3, which doesn’t please Jane, nor does she have any time for some chick who’s “waxing” her “son‘s knob.” So mom pits him against her and #3. He chooses mother. Now it looks like #3 must die after all.
MCATs have to be done TONIGHT. The Chanels must complete the exam, and pass, as Dr. Phil and others are trying to beat Dr. Lovin to the punch doing live surgeries. So the girls are thrust into writing the exam.
Will they pass? Yes, indeed. Turns out #5 did the best, only 3 points from a perfect score. Shiiiiiet, ladies! But what actually happened is #1 and #3 had earpieces in to Drs. Cascade and Holt. Not #5, although nobody’s super thrilled. Poor thing: “I‘m a genius and no one cares.” Funny and sad all at once.
With Lovin the D ready to go live, Wes has left a drugged up coffee for #1. Only Dr. Lovin winds up with an all too similar cup. Are they about to mix up their drinks? Could get interesting. Oh, yes. The host takes a drink then foams at the mouth, writhing on the floor. Dead. The show goes ahead anyways. #1 steps up and takes the lead as host while Dr. Holt goes to work on the tumour until the job is done and done well. After the show, the Chanels are offered a show of their own to replace Dr. Lovin.
#3: “Whoa. That‘s a lot of tumour. Right, America?”

Ingrid’s pissed that Wes tried killing Chanel, breaking their supposed pact. Things don’t look good for Wes, as the other two back him towards all that boiling oil Ingrid has cooking. He voluntarily drops in, his last word being “playlist” (remember from Season 1?). Fucking killed me, too funny. The other Green Meanies have themselves a bit of cover when Munsch and Dr. Annenburg stumble across a deep fried Wes. The story goes that Wes was the Green Meanie, back to try killing the Chanels. And in other news, Munsch reveals to the others she’ll be dead in a month.
The Green Meanie is dead… long live the Green Meanie!

This was a solid episode. I love the ones that really walk that line of absolute hilarity and nastiness at once, which is the case in many but a few of them are so perfectly balanced that it works incredibly well. Next episode, the finale, is titled “Drain the Swamp” and I’m hoping Ryan Murphy & Co. take a few shots at the Orange Goblin like they did in an earlier episode.