FOX’s Scream Queens
Season 2, Episode 6: “Blood Drive”
Directed by Mary Wigmore
Written by Brad Falchuk

* For a review of the previous episode, “Chanel Pour Homme-Icide” – click here
* For a review of the next episode, “The Hand” – click here

At the CURE Institute life goes on, though not exactly well. Dirty blood, all because of Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd) recycling the stuff they mopped up. Cathy Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis), ever the businesswoman, has Chanel #1 (Emma Roberts) organising a blood drive. That’ll likely bring some new drama to the hospital.

We get more on Ingrid Hoffel (Kirstie Alley), whose sister was Ms. Bean – the Chanels maid from Season 1 at the sorority house. She wants revenge on those “little bitches” and she’s kept tabs on them since they were released after the whole Red Devil mess. Now, the blood drive might allow Hoffel a bit of cover to do her dirty work. The drive is now a contest, the winner getting a trip to Blood Island; actually a terrifying, war torn island full of awful insects and other gross things.
Lots of good dialogue here out of Brad Falchuk’s writing, as Chanel quips to Cathy about her “semi–damp orifice” and Cathy talks sly about Dr. Brock Holt (John Stamos) with his big dick, suggesting Chanel and most of her generation already have or expect to get HPV. A totally hilarious back and forth between these two, as Brock finds himself literally stuck in the middle. In other news, Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer) wants to use the blood drive for her own investigation into the “baby in the belly” from ’85, so that they might figure things out amongst the hospital staff.
Poor Dr. Holt has more problems than just with Chanel v. Cathy. His hand replacement continues acting up, playing a knife game with himself under stress. Brock wants Chanel to get a massive STD test before they get together, even though he’s a walking hard-on. Also, Ingrid warns Brock that getting closer to Chanel could be very bad for him.

And Hester (Lea Michele), oh Hester – she’s extremely bored. When she gets bored, she gets murderous. So it’s either find her a job, something to do all day, or a few people are going to die. Chanel goes to Munsch, landing Hester a bit of a trial period job. This involves diagnosing a guy named Brandon Sathmary (August Emerson), who’s a vampire. He has the teeth, his skin burns in the sun. He’s got a reflection, but he drinks blood “like iced tea” he gets from some creep at the Red Cross.
On an on goes the blood drive, all the new Chanels give their donations, plus #5 (Abigail Breslin) is sucked just about dry. #1 is only concerned about getting to “bone down with Dr. Hot” on Blood Island. Back at the hospital, Munsch is lurking around the blood donations. She finds #1’s packet. But the Green Meanie is also lurking, right behind her. Only to vanish into the dark without a sound. Now, the Meanie knows what Chanel is up to.
The next day, Munsch brings Dr. Holt, Hoffel, and Chanel in for the news: #1 has all the STDS; all of them. “There was a crab just floating in the sample,” Ingrid claims. Oh, my. The games Cathy likes to play. This doesn’t only ruin #1 and Brock’s plans together, sexually and otherwise. It also puts Munsch at top of the list for the blood drive. No more Blood Island for Chanel. A hilarious “O Fortuna” scene with Chanel v. Cathy in the strangest yet fucking riotous moment perhaps ever on the show. The look Brock gives Chanel then Cathy is worth a whole episode of laughs. I honestly cried, that’s how hard I laughed. Amazing scene.

Hester believes she’s diagnosed Brandon. An incurable disease, but the blood drinking is all in his head. She tells him a story about binge eating Ring Dings. Her aunt helped with a bit of Ring Ding aversion therapy, which Hester now plans to use on the vampire. Only he needs lots and lots because he’s obviously been enjoying the stuff way too much.
Oh, and Chanel, she robs herself a bunch of blood to boost the stats for her personal drive. When she goes to deposit them there’s none in her cooler. Leading away from it are drops of blood, and you just know where those are going, right? Hester’s been blood cooking: soup, sausage, tons of different dishes for Brandon. This puts Chanel awfully behind, and even though Munsch wants to be ahead she’s more hoping to put Hester back in a crazy cage.
In other news, Zayday tries keeping her investigation from Chamberlain Jackson (James Earl). He knows that she believes it’s him. He also knows all kinds of what’s going on, he’s a smart guy. We already know that Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner) is the son of Jane (Trilby Glover), but could there be more to it? We know there’s always more than meets the eye on Scream Queens.
#9 is getting tapped for blood against her will, as #1 needs someone to milk other than #5. But when Dr. Holt appears, #1 runs off to try telling him she doesn’t have “sexual Ebola” or “vaginal Zika” and wants him to give her another chance, to prove herself. But he needs the proof. Then, as expected, #9 gets a visit from the Green Meanie. He’s gonna do a few tests, too. Until Ingrid walks in. She wants to help. And when she asks the Meanie to take off the mask, he does: it’s Cascade. They strike up a deal – the Meanie keeps killing, Hoffel gets the Chanels to herself. Yowzahs. Two sickos. However, Cascade reveals he didn’t kill all the victims. Someone else is posing as the Meanie, as well. Now this is very interesting.

Hester’s trolling for blood. She wants to treat the vampire, to escape a cell again when Munsch sends her packing. In the cooler, she comes across Chamberlain, and discovers tainted blood. Oh, no. Is she planning on doing what I think?
Meanwhile, #9 is found dead, drained of all her blood. She’s a deflated football, essentially. “At some point this swamp is gonna be like 90% dead bodies,” Munsch says. She’s convinced Hester is the culprit. When they talk to her, she’s upstairs using Chanel’s supposedly STD-ridden blood.
But the reveal is Hester tested it: no STDs. A-ha, Munsch! You got got. Not only is #1 clean, she’s also winner of the blood drive, on her way to Blood Island. Except there’s issues with the flight, Chanel only goes charter. Then she decides she’ll take cash, and Ingrid’s plans are spoiled.

Chamberlain is proving himself useful to Zayday, as he winds up getting some of Jane’s saliva through a bit of food trickery. Plus, he’s AB+ and can’t be the baby in the belly. The baby, he’s O+, and he’s also a god damn doctor. Cassidy switches up the stickers on his blood, throwing the trail off a bit. This puts Dr. Holt in the firing line. Zayday and Chamberlain bring their findings to Munsch, although there’s no way the “ridiculously handsome” Brock can’t be young enough to be the baby.
There are worse things happening behind the curtain of Holt. His hand, that transplant, it is devious. I wonder what that’ll bring eventually. Down in the basement there’s more madness, with Cascade giving Ingrid her very own Green Meanie mask, bringing the tally of Meanies to three. And who’s the other one? How long until they’re revealed?

A solid episode. Just a ton of great writing; witty, outright hilarious, and mysterious stuff. Can’t wait for “The Hand” next time.