J struggles to keep the bills paid. Pope takes care of Lena, as best he can. Meanwhile, Deran finds new troubles.
Renée goes a bit crazy. Noah's locked away as a suspect. We discover more about Glenn and his history.
The truth has a way of coming out. If Smurf gets HER way, it's all coming out. No matter what the consequences.
Pope puts away money for Lena's college fund. From inside jail, Smurf tries to turn the others against Baz.
FOX’s Scream Queens
Season 1, Episode 5: “Pumpkin Patch”
Directed & Written by Brad Falchuk
* For a review of the previous episode, “Haunted House” – click here
* For a review of the next episode, “Seven Minutes in Hell” – click here
The fifth episode of Scream Queens kicks off with Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts) and the Chanels – new addition Hester (Lea Michele), #5 (Abigail Breslin), & #3 (Billie Lourd) – they’re planning a Pumpkin Patch Fundraiser. Both Fergies – the Dutchess and the Black Eyed Peas frontwoman – are coming, little whoops from #3. Seems they’re mostly letting the original Chanel down, yet she’s laying down the law.
The Wives of Fallen Presidents = theme for the Chanels. Hilarious and morbid all at once. Of course, Chanel #1 chooses Jackie Onassis – stylish as she was certainly. More constant bickering between #5 and #1, though, now Hester is puckering up and kissing lots of ass becoming the new go-to-girl for Chanel #1.
Far as I remember, this is the first episode we’re treated to the full-on Scream Queens theme song and an elaborate credits sequence. At first I kinda thought it was a little lame, but it grew on me. More great music comes out in this episode in terms of the overall score throughout various scenes, so I’m loving the electronic stuff from the credits to everything else. Works so well for the show’s aesthetic.
Back to the task at hand – Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer) has been abducted and everyone is gathered at the sorority, or at least everyone of interest and pertinent to anything happening. Chad Radwell (Glen Powell) gives another ridiculously foolish speech, trying to plea for an open campus instead of Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) opting to cancel Halloween and shut the place down. A curfew is enforced and the Chanels are pissed, as the Pumpkin Patch Fundraiser will not get to go ahead.
Hester is rounding up Chanel #5, as well as others such as Jennifer (Breezy Eslin), in order to try and oust Chanel #1 from the presidency.
In class, #1 gets bothered by her professor before getting taken out by police to one of their cars. Hilarious sequence, I loved it.
Then a quick shift to Zayday, who finds herself holed up in some basement-like room. Down the halls, we hear Culture Club, Boy George belting it out, as the Red Devil’s workshop is presented to us. He stands up above Zayday, holding a puppy, just like Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs. Awesomely executed homage, all around in this scene.
Pete (Diego Boneta) and Grace (Skyler Samuels) are worried about Zayday, obviously. But everyone else seems pretty unconcerned. In fact they’re downright horrid and could not care any less. The Chanels are all pretending to eat and way too busy to be bothered with anything else – like a twisted version of the Lost Boys from Hook except they were poor and actually had no food to begin with, unlike these stuck-up sorority ladies.
When Grace goes for help trying to find her father, dear ole dad Wes (Oliver Hudson) is in bed with Gigi Caldwell (Nasim Pedrad). Awkward bedroom interruption scene, as Grace and Pete walk in on the two of them banging. Real good moment, though. A crack up; Pedrad in particular makes me laugh out loud often.
Even better scene is right afterwards when Chanel #1 is talking away, as if to her Chanels, yet it’s in jail. She has a few “besties for life” after having impressed one of them with Chanel-O-Ween presents last year. I mean, if you don’t find this stuff funny, totally fine. But to me, it is hilarious! I’m not even a big horror-comedy fan yet I find myself consistently in laughter while watching Scream Queens.
Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) and Dean Munsch are bonding, hilariously. Nash is one of my favourites on this series so far, her character is way too funny. Security guard Denise is stuck on Zayday actually being the killer, though, we clearly know the difference, don’t we?
And while everyone sensible, or half sensible, is trying to find Zayday – in some way – Chanel #1 and #5 are still having at it, back and forth. Ultimately, #1 wants her Pumpkin Patch and she will god damn have it.
Roger (Aaron Rhodes) and Dodger (Austin Rhodes) help #5 light all the Jack-O-Lanterns for the fundraiser. The designer ended up making a life-size replica of The Shining‘s hedge-maze, full of snow, so we get another fun homage in this episode. As the Red Devil chases them all, Roger and Dodger give us lots to laugh at, arguing with #5, making her choose one of them. However, eventually one of the brothers gets disemboweled by the Red Devil, his guts flopped out in his lap. Sick! Awesome scene in the maze, both full of laughter and again harkening back to Kubrick’s creepy (loose)adaptation of Stephen King.
The rest of the crew – Pete, Grace, Wes & Co. – go searching for Zayday, taking along the proper weaponry and defense mechanisms. They find their way to where we saw the Red Devil earlier, in his/her workshop, and even stand atop where Zayday was kept. Is she still there? No, only the red velvety pillows on which she was last seen sitting.
Bit of a Saw homage here, as well! Lots of stuff happening. Denise and Gigi come upon a room much like something out of one of the Saw films. Another quasi-homage back to Silence of the Lambs with the Red Devil using night vision to move around a room. And just when you think the Devil is caught, they’re gone again. Or is it really how it seems? We saw Gigi in the old house where the hag supposedly lived, so can we trust her saying Gigi saying the Red Devil cranked her in the head before taking off? Hmm.
Zayday shows back up at Kappa House triumphant. Just in time for the big vote for presidency of the sorority.
Flashback to the Red Devil wining and dining Zayday back at the workshop, as he hauls her up from the pit where she’d been kept. Managing to stab the Devil’s hand and take off, she was able to get back in one piece.
Of course, no one believes Zayday until Grace runs in confirming the story of the lair, the romantic dining set, et cetera. Still though, the vote is on!
Nice creepy sequence with Gigi walking alone, the Red Devil following behind. FINALLY – they meet! They are officially in cahoots, now we know for sure Gigi has something to do with what’s going on in the overall plot. Unsettling stuff, who knows where this will head now.
Looking forward to the next episode, “Seven Minutes in Hell”, directed by a regular Ryan Murphy brother-in-arms Michael Uppendahl. Stay tuned for the next one, fellow fans! I’m still loving these episodes, one by one they add up to more excitement and more horror and tons of laughs.
When three experienced offenders come up against a jail rookie, the consequences of a little game become life or death.
The Human Centipede III: Final Sequence. 2015. Directed and Written by Tom Six.
Starring Dieter Laser, Eric Roberts, Bree Olson, Tommy “Tiny” Lister, Tom Six, Robert LaSardo, Laurence R. Harvey, and Clayton Rohner. Six Entertainment Company.
Unrated. 102 minutes.
Again, I can’t believe there’s even a third part to this horror series. Tom Six did no justice to his own skills by making the second film a complete disaster of shock horror/torture porn. Some may have enjoyed it; I found it tiresome, beyond sick, and utterly pointless in the end. Six used black-and-white, which could have been great, but in the end it just could not make the movie worth watching.
Now, we’re here. I’m watching The Human Centipede III: Final Sequence, and I can’t say there is anything at all redeeming in this sequel either. Starting with the second film, for all its awfulness, there’s seemingly a shred of an idea inside Six that wants to express a message; of some sort. I think so, anyways. The second movie had the meta-film aspect happening and it was as if Six had theories on how horror movies affect the viewers, how the obsessiveness of people with horror and tragedy is furthered by media (namely film. Six did nothing with that idea, but it was still present, even in the tiniest form.
In the third film, Final Sequence, there seems to be at least a small kernel of Six’s sensibilities which are leaning towards commentary on/about the America prison system. The character of Bill Boss, played to a rottenly comedic depth of Hell by Dieter Laser (from the first film), is meant to represent the seemingly millions of people hellbent on making prison worse and worse and worse for prisoners. There are definitely bits to be mined out of the original plot premise for this sequel which want to question people and their right-wing, conservative leanings towards capital punishment.
However, again, Six drops the ball – even worse on this one in my opinion. He can’t seem to really get at what he wanted to do. There’s lots of comedy in there, plenty of satirical and farcical material, but Six does not capitalise on any of that. Instead there are bits of gross-out horror again to fill the void of competent writing, there is the inclusion of a famous pornstar simply for the sake of having a sex and blowjob scene, and nothing ever makes up for all the ridiculousness happening throughout the film.
This sequel begins at a prison. The massive complex is run by Warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser), who is a man completely resigned to finding ways he can torture and toy with the prisoners under his charge. His second-in-command is Dwight Butler (Laurence R. Harvey); he worships his boss to no end. Then of course there is the sexed up secretary whom the Warden abuses time and time again, Daisy (Bree Olson), and she pleases him whenever he calls.
After a good deal of time trying to break the prisoners down completely, yelling (much of the time incomprehensibly) at everyone who comes near him, and generally doing a bunch of terrible, torturous things to please the sadistic pleasures inside him, Warden Boss decides to go with his right-hand man Dwight Butler’s idea: use the idea from the Human Centipede films and actually create a full-fledged Human Centipede using the prisoners.
Perfect idea, right?
Saddest part about this third instalment is the fact it really does want to be horror-comedy, but it’s just terrible. The performance by Dieter Laser in the first Human Centipede was a real creepy, effective portrayal of an insane man. Dieter Laser as Warden Bill Boss is absolute and utter shit. I can’t even explain in words how terrible his performance is because it goes beyond the efforts of human language. I never like to completely rag on something, however, Six did nobody any favours by letting Laser give such an awful comedic performance. The Warden is meant to be a foolish character, no doubt, but the way Laser hams it up, scene after scene, line after god damn shouted/howled line, it is WAY TOO MUCH. There’s nothing wrong with doing horror-comedy. This just is not the way. Laser goes far past any sense of satirical characterisation, and he gets lost in trying to yell every single bit of dialogue/the raving monologues he has to give, that it is merely a jumbled mess.
Then, of course, Eric Roberts strolls in. Now I am a fan of Mr. Roberts – just check out my review of his expert performance in the vivid biopic Star 80. However, it’s no secret that Roberts has done a fair few terrible films in recent years. A couple of revivals have been laid at his doorstep, but it can’t outdo all the midway, bargain bin junk he has done. This is no better. His hair looks worse than mine, to start, but that’s a surface judgement – bad form on my part. What really kills me is the fact he’s even in here, why Eric? Such a bad part to take. Even worse is the fact he brings nothing to the role. Plus, seeing him walk through the tap-dancing mania that is Dieter Laser’s horrid performance here is like watching grownups try and sit down with children at a tea party. It is so fucking awful.
The scene where Bill Boss (Laser) gets an excruciatingly long blowjob from his secretary, Daisy (pornstar Bree Olson) is exactly that: fucking excruciating. Not only is Daisy the only female character in the film, she’s made out to be a slut. She is forced on her knees. We even have to literally watch her swallow a mouthful of Bill Boss’ cum. He claims he didn’t get her dad out of prison for nothing, so she better swallow; there’s even a run of jizz down her chin. It is disgusting and utterly humiliating. I always hate “torture porn” as a label, but Tom Six really owns up to that label: he deserves it. This is a mix of porn and horror-comedy, except they just throw in the blowjob for no reason. Poor, poor writing. It’s the worst. Highly sexist. Maybe some will say it’s no surprise when Bree Olson is playing the character, I still think Six went way too lowbrow here. It’s one of the several embarrassing parts about this train wreck.
I can’t get past the constant growling, howling, yelling of Dieter Laser. For all that is sacred and good in the world – shut up, Dieter! He is fantastically terrible in this movie. I can’t see how anybody would say different, there’s just nothing at all that makes his performance work. He goes way beyond the point of ever being funny. At the beginning, I was thinking, “Okay he’s getting a bit hammy no big deal.” Then, every moment he’s onscreen he screams, his throat heaving every word, and there’s no rest. No rest from the embarrassing portrayal of Bill Boss that Laser brings us. Supremely shit. It’s basically him raving about castrations and torture and other nonsense concerning torture.
Then there’s the scene where the Warden gets what he is owed (or at least we think so – it’s all a dream). I can’t even believe it.
SPOILER ALERT – FOR ANYONE WHO CARES: one of the inmates actually cuts a hole in the Warden’s back and fucks him in his kidneys, basically. Though, it turns out to be just a dream sequence, it’s still… man, oh, man. Awful, awful stuff. Added to that is Dwight Butler (Harvey) apparently giving someone a blowjob in the dream. I mean… come on, Tom! Such poor writing. Very unimaginative.
Hard as I tried, I couldn’t find anything redeeming about this third film in the series. I can’t give it even a half star. Surprisingly, this is even worse, for me, than The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence. I can’t believe I’ve said that, but it’s true. One of the worst films ever made, especially when it comes to horror movies. Just beyond brutal. It’s fine to say, “Oh it’s meant to be over-the-top”. There’s just no excuse for such bad comedy, bad horror, and lazy writing. I can’t say anything further because there’s nothing left to say. Then comes the meta aspect of this movie: how can we plausibly see the inmates watching Dieter Laser as Dr. Heiter while he’s already in the film as Warden Bill Boss? Same goes for Laurence Harvey’s presence here while the second film is playing. It’s just too stupid to even comprehend.
I watched this to be a completist, that’s all. I’m a cinephile, and a massive fan of horror, so I try to watch anything/everything I possibly can. This was not worth it. I’ll never ever see this again and I hope this is truly the final film because anything else will only make Tom Six’s efforts worse and worse; there’s no way to make this series better. Bad example of horror with nothing whatsoever to make it worth watching.